Kaiba had a monopoly on geek-on-geek bullying in the early 2000's. (source: Yu-gi-oh).
First of all, from a legal perspective, bullying is a term that addresses school-aged individuals, which is to say people under the age of 18 in the US. This isn't to say that bullying behavior doesn't impact adults, but when talking with legal officials you should know the difference between a bullying incident and criminal harassment towards an adult. Bullying also has many different flavors, the most well known being verbal bullying (such as name calling and threats) and physical bullying (such as physical violence, theft, and inappropriate gestures), but social bullying brings a whole new world of awareness to what can constitute bullying. (related source: www.stopbullying.gov).
The Naruto fanbase gets a primer on social bullying every flashback. (source: Naruto)
Social bullying is the act of leaving out someone on purpose, telling other individuals to not associate with a specific person, spreading rumors about someone, or embarrassing them in public. (source: www.stopbullying.gov). This also is a form of bullying that can heavily impact adults and can easily lead to depression as a result of social bullying and the effects of secondary bullying, which we will discuss later. (source: http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/). What does this have to do with the geek community? It starts with social media and the rise of groups that may also do offline meetups.
Someone is already in the process of blogging angrily about what I'm going to say. (source: Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
To get started, I need to state that I think these groups are wonderful. When I was younger, I could never have dreamed of being involved with other geeks to this level. More people should find local groups to interact with and participate in offline meetups as geek culture continues to evolve and grow. This does, however, come with a dark side.
Shockingly, it's not just that one jerk from 4-chan trying to pressure young girls. (source: Madoka Magica)
As I'm most active in Facebook groups, I'm going to reference them more often than not. With having large groups (from hundreds of people to thousands of people) that are open to the public to join, it's hard to decide who to accept with open arms and who to ban. The easy answer is that you shouldn't ever ban anyone ever unless they violate clearly posted rules that have clear descriptions of inappropriate behavior.
Each group has its autonomy, and that's great. However, the problem becomes when one member accuses another member of doing something awful, but can't exactly provide hard evidence. I've been involved previously in helping to handle a dispute that I ultimately told a person that they should go to the police or even the Office of Civil Rights as their claims involve discrimination harassment based on a perceived disability and a history of treatment for mental illness, even though they couldn't prove to me personally that it was an incident of abuse.
Here's a picture of a cute kitten to lighten the mood some. (source: Chi's Sweet Home)
Instead, the person went around and continued to make accusations against the named individual privately to other people and even accused me of abuse because I wouldn't actively remove that individual from the group. There was even talk about banning the friends of the abuser before they could taint the group. This behavior is social bullying. Pushing for the exclusion of an individual and then spreading information that could have a negative impact on that individual's reputation are all categorically bullying.
Pictured on the left is the right person to talk to about your problems. Pictured on the right is someone who's going to make it worse by attacking the alleged abuser. (source: Samurai Flamenco)
After initial incidences of bullying, the larger problem in the world of running groups of geeks is secondary bullying. A secondary bully is someone not involved in the interpersonal conflict initially but may become involved due to pressure from other individuals. Secondary bullies might feel bad about what they are doing, but commit to spreading rumors as well as acting on rumors, such as pushing for the exclusion (banning) of individuals or vocally quitting groups because of perceived uncomfortableness. These reasons can include wanting to protect themselves from the same behavior that is being acted out upon by the targets of the bullying behavior. (source: http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/).
It might actually be worse than being pressured into selling your soul to fuzzy Mephistopheles in exchange for cake because all the cool girls are becoming magical girls. (source: Madoka Magica)
Am I saying that people's accusations of abuse and harassment shouldn't be taken seriously? No, they absolutely should be taken seriously, but by the appropriate individuals. Your random generic Facebook admin isn't required to have any special training in handling allegations of abuse and more often than not, you are far, far better to contact either the local police and/or the Office of Civil Rights.
Am I saying that people shouldn't leave groups if they're upset? No, everyone has the right to leave any group at any time for whatever reason they should feel like. However, with all of this, it should be done without bullying. If you leave the group declaring, "Some people are making me uncomfortable," that's bullying. If you leave the group and then make public posts on your own wall spreading messages that could damage another's reputation, that's bullying. If you send private messages to people you're not close friends with to "prove" how abusive a person is or why you think they should leave a group, that's bullying.
This leads us to the next subject.
'MURICA! (source: Yu-gi-oh)
One of the largest counter arguments I hear after I say any of that is a citation of First Amendment Rights to allow them to say whatever they want about whomever they want. There have been books written about this subject, so I won't get too much into it. However, if you believe you have the right to talk negatively about a person, including spreading rumors, then you may be engaging in bullying behaviors which may also be illegal according to local, state, and/or federal law.
You'll also do this to people, which is far worse. (source: Mirai Nikki)
Aside from my introduction and the images put into this article, do you notice that this doesn't have a lot to do with being a geek? There's a reason why. If people are out there being bullies, you're going to lose track of what's really important. Bullying behavior and allegations of abuse should be taken seriously, but when it becomes a huge event with lots of social bullying that gets out of control, the group or community you're involved with isn't about enjoying a hobby or a fandom; it's about picking a side and trying to not become a victim of bullying in the process.
What should you do instead? Focus on everything else. Post pictures of your fandom. Write a really bad fanfic and share it, knowing that it's really bad. Talk vaguely about the latest episode of that anime and watch people cry out about spoilers. Then when someone you sort of know, but aren't really close friends with, pipes up about "that one jerk that did this and that", ignore them. Don't give them any attention. There's so much geeky stuff to love these days that you shouldn't even worry about giving time to listening to that sort of grief. Love your fandom and show love to those in your fandom, especially when there's interpersonal conflicts that do not directly involve you.
Now that my rant is out of the way, I'm going to go hang out with some people and play some Pokemon like it's 1998. (source: Pokemon)
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